Woman's Stepdad Never Considered Her a 'Real' Daughter, She Chooses Grandfather to Walk Her Down the Aisle

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 25, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

In the West, fathers traditionally walk their daughters down the aisle at their weddings. This custom has roots in patriarchal traditions wherein fathers relinquished "ownership" of their daughters over to another man. At this point in time, though, it's a just sentimental moment and gesture wherein the man that raised a woman, watched her first footsteps, and loved her unconditionally throughout her life, walks beside her as she begins a new chapter in her life. Nowadays, anyone that the bride deems important in her life can walk her down the aisle: a mother, a bridesmaid, a sister, and uncle, or even a grandparent. 

In today's story, our protagonist chose to be walked down the aisle by her grandfather, much to her step-dad's chagrin. After years of rejecting, sidelining, and constantly putting our protagonist in second place to his biological daughters, he had the audacity to get offended and start fussing. Thankfully, our protagonist has a loving grandfather to support her through her childhood and through her step-dad's childish tantrums. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAs u/Melodic-walk8537.1d AITA for calling my stepdad a hypocrite after asking my grandpa to walk me down the aisle at my wedding? Not the
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 02
    My stepdad, who I (24f) called dad most of my life, is the only dad I ever knew. He met my mom when I was only 1 and they got married right after my second birthday. So I literally have no memories of my life without him. And I would say most of my life I saw him as my dad and not my stepdad. He was the male figure who raised me and was there. But I was never equal to his bio kids.
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 03
    He would call me his stepdaughter when asked how many kids he had. I heard him say it, even when I was little. I always called him dad or him and mom my parents. It hurt a lot when I was younger. My younger sister was often called "my first baby girl" by him. My younger brother was called his first born. And while technically they are his first bio son and daughter. I was always expected to treat him like my real dad. But he was not always claiming me as his real daughter.
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 04
    Things started to change for me when I was 16. One of my friends called him my stepdad and I didn't correct him. My stepdad overheard and he told me he was hurt that after all he'd done for me I'd let him be delegated to the lesser title of stepdad. I told him. I was his stepdaughter most of the time so why shouldn't he be my stepdad.
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 05
    My stepdad was still good to me. It was just. Some things really hurt when I was younger, and some things I me off when I was older, like the incident above. I did talk to him and mom about it and I was gaslit into believing he didn't say stepdaughter or he'd say that sometimes it's important to distinguish. But none of these were doctor appointment incidents. I always felt like it would have been easier if he had been consistent with "not my kid" for me. At least then I wouldn't have been so co
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 06
    My grandparents noticed. I think what took their notice most was when I was 8 and I was worried I couldn't be his real daughter, I asked my stepdad to adopt me and he changed the subject. My stepdad's parents and two siblings were also there and they looked shocked... that I'd asked. I was never called a granddaughter by his parents or a niece by his siblings. But they were grandma and grandpa and aunty and uncle to me.
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 07
    Grandpa really stepped up for the emotional support and when Covid restrictions happened my fiancé and I moved in with him temporarily since he was alone and he knew we wanted to be in a home and not a cramped apartment.
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 08
    Which is why, when I got engaged, I asked grandpa to walk me down the aisle. My stepdad was offended again and he told me as much. I brought up how he talked about watching his two little girls get married (my two sisters) and never his three. So why would he be taking on such a big task for his not-little girl. He told me I was being so nitpicky and I told him he was a hypocrite to treat me as not a daughter but expect to be treated as a dad. He told me I didn't know the meaning of the word and
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 09
    Bitter_Animator2514. 1d Partassipant [1] Your mothers is awful for allowing this treatment of you then continuing to breed with him yikes hope your siblings don't have their behaviour or attitude Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and hope you and your grandpa have a wonderful walk down the aisle NTA Reply 18.2k
    via u/Bitter_Animator2514
  • 10
    Melodic-Walk8537 OP 1d • Yep. I really don't understand her being okay with it. At least make it consistent. And don't have the expectation that I will always love and respect him as real dad when he's made it clear I'm not really his. 8.7k
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 11
    Pollythepony1993 • 1d Partassipant [4] I agree. I hate that they made you feel this way. Especially your mom, because she should have been your advocate. I am a stepmom (his bio mom is very much alive) and he defines how he sees me (mom/ stepmom, I don't mind). But he is one of our 3 children. The only times I distinguished it was when I was pregnant with my first bio son (because for medical reasons it is different for when it is your first or second pregnancy). But if they ask me how many chil
    via u/Pollythepony1993
  • 12
    My stepson also has a stepdad (married to mom) and he calls us all dad and mom and we are fine with it. He has younger siblings on both sides so it makes sense for him to see us all as moms and dads. Д 2.6k
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 13
    potarpany. 1d I understand corectly that he didn't adopt you? So on paper he is technicaly only husband of your mom and not even "stepdad"? Being petty in this situation You could even call him by name and if he say anything You can answer that he chose to not be your father so these are conseqence of his own actions and choices... Edit. Eng is not my first language so I might not exactly correct use some "titles" and I'm not best with "who is who for who" in family by how to name this connectio
    via u/potarpany
  • 14
    Melodic-Walk8537 OP • 1d Correct. He did not adopt me and never directly addressed the request for him to adopt me. 253
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 15
    Tinkerpro⚫ 1d Of course he did. Just keep reminding yourself that bullies are bullies and they will never change. You are getting married, starting a new family with your husband. Let that be enough. Hopefully your relationship with your mom and sibling is good and will remain that way. As for his little speeches, ignore them or tell him to stop being so emotional. You can also point out that he will have the opportunity of walking his first babygirl down the aisle, so your event obviously won't
    via u/Tinkerpro
  • 16
    Melodic-Walk8537 OP. 1d My relationship with mom isn't that good because she has stood by and allowed all this to happen without ever trying to stand up for me or protect me. 2.7k
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 17
    Dittoheadforever • 1d Commander in Cheeks [223] You're NTA. He set the tone, he doesn't get to change the tune to enjoy the spoils of being dad when it suits him. I should be more appreciative of all the things he gave me Does he mean the things all responsible adults give their children and step children? Food, shelter, clothing, etc.? That's their job, it's what we sign up for when we become parents/step parents. Geez... send him a hallmark thank you card and call it a day. /s Reply 2.3k
    via u/Dittoheadforever
  • 18
    Melodic-Walk8537 OP • 1d Yes, those are the things he means. But also the toys and makeup and stuff. Because he would treat me to stuff like that. Those things don't really take away from the emotional stuff. As a kid all I wanted was to be his daughter. Took lots of time for that to go away. I can't switch it back on either. That desire is dead. 1.5k
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537
  • 19
    Sea-Tea-4130 • 1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [48] NTA-You made the right choice to ask your gramps to walk you. Your stepdad and your mom sound ridiculous for not understanding how his comments and behaviour growing up affected you. ... ← Reply 1.1k
    via u/Sea-Tea-4130
  • 20
    Accomplished-Gas3209. 1d NTA. You embraced him as your dad, he always held a barrier up to you by referring to you as stepdaughter, not adopting you when you asked. He made multiple references to "his" children as being the biological ones. Others noticed it and luckily your grandfather stepped up. A hidden AH in all this is your mother, no mention of her being complicit in allowing your stepfather to isolate you. ← Reply 481
    via u/Accomplished-Gas3209
  • 21
    Ruegurl • 1d NTA. But I'd also ask him if in his will you're set to inherit the same amount as his bio kids. Reply 338 Melodic-Walk8537 OP 1d Per his family I am not allowed to inherit any of the family money, which is a lot of what he has. 569
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537, u/Ruegurl
  • 22
    Far-Season-695 • 1d Partassipant [1] NTA he drew the line in the sand and made it clear you were his step and not real daughter despite being essentially around your entire life. I bet he's more concerned about the optics of people asking why he's not walking you down the aisle rather than actually being upset about not walking you down Reply 220
    via u/Far-Season-695
  • 23
    PicklesMcpickle ⚫ 1d Enthusiast [5] NTA- I mean do people realize kids have ears? Reply 89 ↓ Melodic-Walk8537 OP. 1d I think it gave him pleasure to have me chase his love and try to be good enough to be his daughter and not just stepdaughter. 154
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537, u/PicklesMcpickle
  • 24
    NTA. Rutabega_121310 • 1d Obviously we only have one side of the story but this makes it sound like he was doing you a favor rather than raising you as a parent, and that's a completely different feeling. My stepmother's family always referred to me as a niece or grandchild, part of the family. And while I do. refer to my stepmother as a stepmother - We lived with our mother so she didn't raise us - she is still part of my immediate family.
    via u/Rutabega_121310
  • 25
    I can't imagine having a child from 1-year-old and not looking at them as a member of your family. That just doesn't make sense to me. Your stepfather is going to have hurt feelings. That's his problem. This is your day. If you want a family member to walk you down the aisle then it should be someone who actually loves you as family. ... ← Reply Ŵ 76 ♡
    via u/Rutabega_121310
  • 26
    Melodic-Walk8537 OP. 1d They never saw me as family. They have this quilt they make and add family members to. I was never added. Even my mom was and other ILs, as ILs but still. Never me. My stepdad also never added my photo to his wallet but had my siblings in it. That one I found out lately. 233
    via u/Melodic-Walk8537

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